One of my favorite topics is "Should I hire a wedding planner and why? My mother and her mom did Mom's wedding and everything came out just fine!"
I think a good contrary to that would be considering the scope of a wedding these days compared to 25 and 30 years ago. My parents were married 53 years ago, they had cake and punch at my maternal grandmother's house in Princeton, Il and they looked radiant in the photos I have from the Big Day. I'm sure Grandma made the cake and sweets from scratch - I'm having trouble writing as I'm tearing up just thinking about it. So precious and so sweet.
Now, however, I compare weddings to a movie production with a one time run through and better catch it perfect on camera cuz we don't want Bridezilla comin' out and eating us all alive. Please give me some humor so I can stop crying!
From my "What I Do First?" list there are 54 entries of pre-wedding things to do that I counted so far, not to mention any extraneous items that may come up from each person's needs. In a large production there is always needed a "go to" person to arrange everything and keep the show under control during execution.
One of the best scenarios I have of not having a wedding planner, given Dad is a surgeon, is opening up your own abdomen to do a surgery and then having second thoughts as you nick an artery and wanting to reach out for help. Little late I'd say.
The best way to learn about having a wedding planner from my experience is to have your wedding, go through the experience and learn what it is all about. Then you are an expert on why a wedding planner is needed.
What is it all about? Well, the week of the wedding family starts to arrive from Sun. to Tues, so everything in town is turned upside down. You have all kinds of last minute things you want to do and never had the time, now people want you to go to Universal City Walk, or whatever diversion is comparable in your town.
When you have someone you can trust working in your behalf there's a contact point that is attentive to what is current and needs attention. Many vendors are occupied with several events at a time, the one fast approaching usually takes their focus and it is often difficult and time consuming to get them to respond. A dedicated planner is persistent to get the answers you need and distribute information that is pertinent confirming the vendor understands it.
The day of the event is really action packed as far as details - early set up before make-up on large events, and vendors need a point of contact to fine tune what is going to happen. Most of my time the last 2 weeks of wedding planning is spent with time line adjustments for vendor time in/out, confirming time for highlights (like cake cutting), etc. as there are always last minute changes when everything plays out.
Most of the brides I work with are not available during day/evening as so many other activities are pulling them in different directions. We email or text like maniacs. A lot of the vendors may not respond to email or texts which can me unduly frustrating. Vendors usually work from 10 to 6 like planners do so it is easier for communication to actually happen.
R.s.v.p. management, wedding rehearsal execution, guest list management, guest's questions rolling in all day long, transportation organization, limos, amenity distribution, basic project management really, as well as being a consummate hostess? A mad woman would be an easier role for a bride left alone.
Again, if you are having a small reception in the same location or one close to the ceremony, of course you and your family can handle everything along with the church or temple coordinator. But, if you are spending upwards of $25,000.00, add a little more and get a veteran professional on your side. Peace of mind is worth some bucks.
A Blog About Event Ideas and An Organized Life
Thursday, November 5
Monday, November 2
Who Pays For What At My Wedding?
I'm glad somebody asked me this as I have been dying to talk about it, on my own terms from my experience real time. From watching mothers sneak around corners and whisper about each other how they hate the taste of the other mother. "The other mother does not have as much money as we do." "We don't do things like this where I'm from!" etc., etc....so caddy and I love it! Venting with someone safe, staff, feels so wonderful and freeing.
Now who pays for what, this life time? Most dads are coming home at 9 or 10 at night, leaving early to work, have tons of tax bills, other kids in college and any bride feels guilty asking for $130,000 cash, right now, for one event, one night! Who is nuts here? Welcome to my world...
Most of our weddings at Entertainment Design Events range in guest count of about 125 people and cost between $75K and $160K. All this depends much on the location and guest count, transportation needs, etc. This number is inclusive of all expenses, not just catering, but it does not include any clothes. The most expensive wedding we did was for 40 guests and cost 1.2 million, so there sometimes is no reason to the rules.
The best way to attack funding that I have seen in California, where wedding experiences include the 4 parties: Meet-N-Greet, Rehearsal Dinner, Wedding Ceremony/Reception, and Post Wedding Brunch, is to sit down with all those that are willing to participate financially and have a pow wow. It is important early in the game to see who is in and who is out. Those that are out may participate in other ways by giving of time and effort, just not funds.
When one family has much more money than the other, usually they will step in and shoulder 75% of the project, the other family will give 12.5 % and the kids (bride/groom) will give 12.5 %. That way everybody gets to participate and feel in the show. You can work these percentages any way you like I'm just giving an outline. The usual people that pay are everybody that can and stay comfortable.
I've also had various family members offer to pay for specific items, for example, a step-father to pay for the band/DJ/music. An aunt or Godmother pay for something like the cake. Mother-of-the-Groom to pay for all the flowers for the whole celebration. These can be really big numbers to cover and my God how generous of the donors to take on this responsibility.
Why you ask would anyone want to spend this kind of money on one night, just to show off or keep up with the Joneses? No. The reason people spend money on big parties is they want to celebrate and they understand the special joy it is to really find someone you want to spend your life with. They want to gather both clans so they are brought together, can get to know each other and form a support group for the new couple.
It is a night, a most special night, where old, young, sometimes babies, all can gather and see each other and friends look their best, get everyone in photos that last forever, and create memories that last even longer. We work and work and work, drudging in and out of our days. When we have something like a wedding to look forward to it is so exciting as well it should be. Other than a car or a house, what costs more? Little wonder there is so much stress, fighting, everyone wanting their part to fill the guest list.
One of Emily's most important lessons I learned was etiquette is something created so when we go places we don't know much about, we have a basic set of rules based on what makes others feel comfortable around us. Using common sense about what makes others comfortable you can most often not make big mistakes in society. Society, where would it be without parties and big weddings...
Where I came from a wedding cost hardly anything, you had to run to the reception hall to get any of the shrimp, there was no booze, only punch, ham sliced with rolls and some cheese cubes. It lasted, thank God, about and hour and a half and you could return to your real life. O, I almost forgot, salted pecans always made a showing...usually there were plenty of those.
Now who pays for what, this life time? Most dads are coming home at 9 or 10 at night, leaving early to work, have tons of tax bills, other kids in college and any bride feels guilty asking for $130,000 cash, right now, for one event, one night! Who is nuts here? Welcome to my world...
Most of our weddings at Entertainment Design Events range in guest count of about 125 people and cost between $75K and $160K. All this depends much on the location and guest count, transportation needs, etc. This number is inclusive of all expenses, not just catering, but it does not include any clothes. The most expensive wedding we did was for 40 guests and cost 1.2 million, so there sometimes is no reason to the rules.
The best way to attack funding that I have seen in California, where wedding experiences include the 4 parties: Meet-N-Greet, Rehearsal Dinner, Wedding Ceremony/Reception, and Post Wedding Brunch, is to sit down with all those that are willing to participate financially and have a pow wow. It is important early in the game to see who is in and who is out. Those that are out may participate in other ways by giving of time and effort, just not funds.
When one family has much more money than the other, usually they will step in and shoulder 75% of the project, the other family will give 12.5 % and the kids (bride/groom) will give 12.5 %. That way everybody gets to participate and feel in the show. You can work these percentages any way you like I'm just giving an outline. The usual people that pay are everybody that can and stay comfortable.
I've also had various family members offer to pay for specific items, for example, a step-father to pay for the band/DJ/music. An aunt or Godmother pay for something like the cake. Mother-of-the-Groom to pay for all the flowers for the whole celebration. These can be really big numbers to cover and my God how generous of the donors to take on this responsibility.
Why you ask would anyone want to spend this kind of money on one night, just to show off or keep up with the Joneses? No. The reason people spend money on big parties is they want to celebrate and they understand the special joy it is to really find someone you want to spend your life with. They want to gather both clans so they are brought together, can get to know each other and form a support group for the new couple.
It is a night, a most special night, where old, young, sometimes babies, all can gather and see each other and friends look their best, get everyone in photos that last forever, and create memories that last even longer. We work and work and work, drudging in and out of our days. When we have something like a wedding to look forward to it is so exciting as well it should be. Other than a car or a house, what costs more? Little wonder there is so much stress, fighting, everyone wanting their part to fill the guest list.
One of Emily's most important lessons I learned was etiquette is something created so when we go places we don't know much about, we have a basic set of rules based on what makes others feel comfortable around us. Using common sense about what makes others comfortable you can most often not make big mistakes in society. Society, where would it be without parties and big weddings...
Budget - What Is It? Why Have One? Do I Die or Kill Somebody If I Break It?
One of the first few questions I ask my clients is, "Do you have a wedding date?" "Do you have a guest count?" "Do you know what time your celebration is going to start?"
Then, the stupid question. "What is your budget?" Well, the client either has a lot of money to spend so they don't want to be overcharged and won't tell me the real budget. Or, well...the client does not have a lot of money to spend and does not want to feel less than so they won't tell me the budget.
Well, that brings us right back to the stupid question of "What's your budget?" If I was a bride I would be thinking "Don't ask me what my budget is - just give me everything I want and I'll decide if I'm going to or even can pay for that!"
Budget is something to divest from emotionally; something that is necessary to think about from a project management standpoint. We have to grow up and and deal with it so you can move forward from some starting point.
Look at it like this...what kind of restaurant food do you want at your wedding experience? A $50 per person place like Cheesecake Factory? A $250 per person ritzo New York type place? Well, take that number and double it, add a field kitchen and rentals, a location, service charge and decor, so maybe the dinner price (3 courses - this is a wedding so go "all the way") should be times 4 per person.
So here we go, $50 turns into $200; $250 turns into $1,000.
That means a wedding dinner for 150 guests lower end is going to be about $30,000.00. It means a higher end would be about $150,000.00.
Now, let's go put our head in the sand, die, and get re-born male so somebody else can pay? No, just figure out a guest count, take a number between $50 and $250, multiply it times four, then times your guest count and start early! The earlier you start the less busy vendors are and they're hungry to book dates.
My advise is also to take twenty percent of your budget and hide it for mad money, as you know you are going to encounter things you can't live without. You need mad money to pay for that stuff with.
Now layout a listing of all the items you want at your wedding and get 2 or 3 quotes for everything and you will know what your realistic budget is going to be. Then you can move forward or cut your list back, or add more items depending on your outcome funding wise.
And as I said earlier, start early so you get the first pick of the crop, you have time to adjust and you can think without white knuckle gripping pressure. A budget is just a jumping off place to help begin planning and necessary. Don't be scared and be honest with your planner, it makes our job much easier. Then we don't want to charge as much cuz we're dealing with an angel.
Then, the stupid question. "What is your budget?" Well, the client either has a lot of money to spend so they don't want to be overcharged and won't tell me the real budget. Or, well...the client does not have a lot of money to spend and does not want to feel less than so they won't tell me the budget.
Well, that brings us right back to the stupid question of "What's your budget?" If I was a bride I would be thinking "Don't ask me what my budget is - just give me everything I want and I'll decide if I'm going to or even can pay for that!"
Budget is something to divest from emotionally; something that is necessary to think about from a project management standpoint. We have to grow up and and deal with it so you can move forward from some starting point.
Look at it like this...what kind of restaurant food do you want at your wedding experience? A $50 per person place like Cheesecake Factory? A $250 per person ritzo New York type place? Well, take that number and double it, add a field kitchen and rentals, a location, service charge and decor, so maybe the dinner price (3 courses - this is a wedding so go "all the way") should be times 4 per person.
So here we go, $50 turns into $200; $250 turns into $1,000.
That means a wedding dinner for 150 guests lower end is going to be about $30,000.00. It means a higher end would be about $150,000.00.
Now, let's go put our head in the sand, die, and get re-born male so somebody else can pay? No, just figure out a guest count, take a number between $50 and $250, multiply it times four, then times your guest count and start early! The earlier you start the less busy vendors are and they're hungry to book dates.
My advise is also to take twenty percent of your budget and hide it for mad money, as you know you are going to encounter things you can't live without. You need mad money to pay for that stuff with.
Now layout a listing of all the items you want at your wedding and get 2 or 3 quotes for everything and you will know what your realistic budget is going to be. Then you can move forward or cut your list back, or add more items depending on your outcome funding wise.
And as I said earlier, start early so you get the first pick of the crop, you have time to adjust and you can think without white knuckle gripping pressure. A budget is just a jumping off place to help begin planning and necessary. Don't be scared and be honest with your planner, it makes our job much easier. Then we don't want to charge as much cuz we're dealing with an angel.
Sunday, November 1
What Is New For 2010 Wedding Season - What's Hot?
I think what is new for 2010 is the awareness that all is not forever and everything can vaporize - except for family. Being in and building a family - the first part of which is becoming married - is something that lasts.
When we begin celebrating unions in the upcoming year most people realize that a lot has changed about the world. How do we accept change? Friends have lost homes, fortunes, savings; other friends are buying houses and using this time of lack to stock up as they have plenty of hard cash.
Themes of any sort, candy bars or buffets, dogs used as ring bearers or flower "girls," chartreuse green and chocolate brown, disposable cameras on the table, wedding bubbles, so many ideas have come and gone - what is here for NOW?
Coming up with the basics and having them in place - great music people can dance to, good food that is executed well - basic components are always hot. Hot and staying hot are the photo booths used for guest books and getting the photos on disk for everybody to keep or get off a website from the photo company.
The hottest thing lately is a photo booth station in front of a green screen or regular screen backdrop complete with costumes and props guests can dress up in. You won't believe the exquisite results from this simple station. www.LAPhotoParty.com is a great company we have used 2 times. Make sure set-up is close to the dance floor as this mother is going to compete with the dancing.
When thinking about what's hot in this unusual new period - think about what people have to go through to get to your wedding and what will make them comfortable. How do I celebrate my joy and union and not show off or make others feel uncomfortable? I keep them in mind.
Room Amenities: some nice cookies, 4 x bottles of water (that don't cost $15 each like the hotel ones do), a little snack mix and a welcome note in an inexpensive basket, box or sack. This is something that really makes a guest feel welcome. I think that's hot!
Be aware and don't let any one thing be crazy over the top and look like a show off, unless all your friends and guests are show offs - then by all means go wild. Be appropriate and play to your crowd.
Videography is something I used to not recommend yet with the progression of video it has gotten so hot. Get a good videographer, the editing is more MTV style and a blast to watch. You can get a shorter mini-movie and get it up on your facebook. Some of my clients videos I've watched over 20 times and cried every time. www.DavidRobinFilms.com
In summation about what's hot: room amenity for out of town guests (remember there most likely will be a hotel room delivery fee), photo booth for guest book with stickers and writing pens for notes, live photo booth station with costumes, great dance music (a good band can be upwards of $14,000) and great food executed well. Do the basics right and have fun celebrating!
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